Dreaming About the Things That We Could Be
by jazziisms
Summary: It's funny how the smallest of gestures can change everything in a relationship. Rivaisa. Oneshot.
So recently I've fallen in love with this pair, and if you follow me on Tumblr (jazziisms) you would've most definitely seen the exact moment when I switched from shipping them lowkey to _very highkey_. At this point, I'm not even surprised. I'm a sucker for the smaller, underrated ships.

I also made a Rivaisa blog! (The url is the ship name itself + dot Tumblr dot com.) Feel free to follow me there as well if you also like this pairing :] I know that there are more popular ships associated with both Levi and Isabel (Such as Levihan, Rivetra, ya'llalreadyknowtherest, and Farisa), and there are people who don't like this pairing because of Isabel calling Levi "Aniki", but hey. _Feelings change_. I know this for a _fact_.

So, yanno. If you don't like, don't read. And if you _do_ like, read on! Feel free to tell me your thoughts!

* * *

"Levi!"

It's funny how the smallest of gestures can change everything in a relationship.

Levi freezes in place, unsure if he had heard Isabel correctly. The corporal does not turn. What did she just call him? Did he hear her correctly? Was there something amiss?

"...What?" he settles for instead.

"Time to go."

Oh. Right. The expedition.

He tries not to think about the way his name - his actual name - sounds on her tongue. He tries not to think about the look she gives him when he turns around and their eyes meet for the briefest of moments before he leaves the room, the way her eyelids droop down ever so slightly over those bright green pools, the little head tilt she always does when she was confused, the slight scrunch of her eyebrows.

It's the same Isabel. The same girl who he saved from the cruel streets of the underground and gave her a home. The same girl who he would literally kill for, and have done so when she came home that night with her hair cut off. The same girl who he was comfortable around. The same girl who was always by his side in everything he did. The same girl who slept in the mornings because she didn't go to sleep until much later the previous night. The same girl who's self-conscious of her dialect because it's slightly different than how everyone talks here. The same girl who falls asleep on his shoulder with drool dripping from her mouth - disgusting - and he would have been furious if it was any other person. The same girl who gave him the warmest hugs, even when he doesn't want them or thinks he deserves one.

Isabel is... _just Isabel._

She, Levi, and Farlan have been in the Survey Corps for a few years now, and since then Levi has become captain of the Special Ops Squad; a group of people hand-selected by the corporal himself, and they get shit done. Petra, Auruo, Erd, and Gunther are a good group, and they've worked really well with Isabel and Farlan instantaneously. He did not expect that. For the longest time, Isabel and Farlan refused to interact with anyone outside himself. It wasn't because they wanted to be rude. They just didn't know who to trust. Now it's different.

Everything's different.

He almost lost her once. Farlan too. If he had been a split second too late, they would have been ripped away from him forever, and he'd be all alone. Again.

He doesn't like to think about it.

But it's an eye-opener. It makes him more guarded and wary. It is mandatory that they remain by his side at all times during the expedition. Compared to their first together, the three of them are unstoppable on the battlefield, but being invincible in this world doesn't mean shit. You only get one chance. You fuck that up and it's over.

His eyes are only on her as she soars ahead of him on her gear, their horses galloping below. There are two titans nearby - two he can easily take out himself, but he is not alone and he must work on fighting his instinct to act independently - but of course Isabel wants to do something useful.

 _Don't do anything stupid,_ he thinks at her.

As if hearing him projecting at her, she turns her head and flashes him that bright, confident smirk of hers.

 _No promises._

The two bastards rear their ugly faces in their direction, almost as if to say, What are you two talking about? Ugh, god, he's ready to wipe those shit-eating grins off of their faces.

"Look who's being nosy."

"You won't be smilin' when we're done with ya."

Oblivious. Hopelessly oblivious dumb fucks.

He just wants to get this shit over with so they can go home. He can just sense the dust forming from their absence.

The first titan is slow, and stretches it's big hand out towards him.

The second, however, is fast, and jumps at Isabel at top speed. He sees panic shooting through her body, making her go rigid. Eyes wide. Heartbeat crashing against her ribcage.

"Pull up!" he barks, but he's too paranoid to see if she followed orders. He does not wait. In a flash, he finishes off his titan and uses its arm to roll off. He gains momentum and reaches her in half a second, looping his arm around her waist and yanking her up before her foot was engulfed by that bastard. "Farlan! Erd! Finish the abnormal!"

"On it!" the two shout back in unison.

Levi braces himself before he lands on a thick tree branch, Isabel still tucked under his arm. She begins to squirm, and he takes that signal to let her go. He is livid, yet uncertain on whom exactly he's livid at.

"Did you lock up?" he says, expression accusatory.

"No," she pants, hands on her knees.

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not lyin' to ya. I had it completely under control!"

"No, you didn't. If you waited a second longer, you would've lost a limb and put the whole damn squad in jeopardy because you decided you wanted to be the hero."

"Isn't that what we do now?" she snaps, standing straight up. He does not back down. "Save humanity? We're the only ones out here actually doin' somethin' while the rest of the world hides in fear behind the walls 'cause they can't do anythin' else! Isn't it obvious, Levi? It wasn't long ago that we were wanted by the same people we're workin' for now. If we didn't have the skill, we wouldn't be shit. And I'm not a little girl anymore, so stop treatin' me like one!"

Levi opens his mouth for a sharp rebuttal, ready to say that he does not see her as weak because she was a woman, that he was the captain of this damn squad and she is supposed to follow orders without batting an eyelash, but she beats him to it. Stepping closer. Expression softer. Trying to get him to see reason.

"Bein' by your side is all I've ever known. I wanna fight _with_ ya. Not _against_ ya." Then, even softer: "Why do ya treat me so differently from the others? Ya don't treat Farlan like this. Why me?"

She's close. She's _much too close._ She's so close that he can count every one of those long eyelashes. Why does she have to be so damn difficult? Why is she making it so hard for him to think of a coherent reply?

The silence is too long for her, and her gaze lowers, and she's biting her lip, and he could have sworn he saw a tear slip.

But she's already gone.

* * *

Her door is cracked open when he gets there. He realizes that not talking to her is getting neither of them anywhere. And, admittedly, he's missed the sound of her voice. He missed eating dinner with her. (Tonight, she ate with Petra at a separate table.) He missed...ugh. He didn't know how much he appreciated the color green until it was taken away.

The lantern must have went out not too long ago, but he's surprised to see her sleeping so soundly at this time of night. She lays there on her side, red hair wild and everywhere, soft snores seeping through agape, supple pink lips that he - stop. _Stop. Stop that shit right now._

He debates on whether he should continue to linger and stare like some creep or enter against his better judgement, and inevitably decides on the latter. Levi is as silent as the night, moving to the other side of the bed. This will not be the first time he's been in the same bed with her.

Don't jump to conclusions, it's not like that.

...Hell, he doesn't even know what _"like that"_ means anymore. His thoughts turn to shit when it comes to her and it troubles him. He doesn't know why.

Levi lifts the blanket and slips into her bed, laying on his side. Isabel shifts and flips her position, bringing their bodies closer.

And her eyes are wide open.

 _Fuck._

"What are you doin'?" she asks in a quiet tone, readjusting her head on her pillow.

That's a good question. He wishes he knew the damn answer. He wishes he were better with the way he came about saying things, because if you don't know him well he'd seem like a rude person.

He can be pretty fucking nice. He doesn't always tell someone they look like shit when they come back from an expedition, or when they haven't gotten enough sleep.

But when it comes to affection, he avoids it like the plague. Why? He's a grown man and he still doesn't know how to react properly when someone genuinely compliments him or even goes as far as to touch him in an affectionate way: shoulder squeezes, awkward pats, light brushing of shy fingertips against his knuckles, and some even go as far as to hug him.

And if you're not Isabel, Farlan, Hange, or the rest of the Special Ops squad, you're getting a foot up your ass. No one asked you to touch him.

It's all so _foreign_ to him. He's so used to being closed off, withdrawn, from everyone else. Being on his own for so long toughened him. Made him stronger. Made his trust in others thin and vary. Then he met Farlan and Isabel - the first two people he shared a close bond with after Ma died.

 _\- Isabel._

How in the hell does one go from feeling at ease with one person to getting that strange feeling in your stomach whenever you look at them? Who gave the okay to fuck everything up? He did not sign up for this.

He cups the side of her neck with hesitance. What _is_ he doing? He doesn't know anymore. Her skin is soft and she doesn't smell shitty and he has a growing desire to be closer to her.

Their eyes have not yet averted to look elsewhere. Levi cannot bring himself to look away. His heart is thrashing against his ribcage, yet his blank expression does not give away his nerves.

He's not good with apologies. Verbally, at least. Levi slips his hand to the back of her head and pulls her close, slipping the other arm around her waist to keep her there. Isabel completely slumps against him, a sigh of relief escaping her lips as she buries her face in his shoulder; her fingers curve around his shoulder, pads digging in ever so slightly.

"I missed ya," she says.

Levi grunts.

Translation: I missed you too.

"I don't like being mad at ya."

"No one told you to do that."

Isabel lightly slaps his shoulder. It's very feeble and doesn't cause him pain in the least.

"I'm serious."

"So am I. Don't make shitty decisions."

"You stop makin' shitty decisions."

"I can get away with it because I'm the captain of this fucking squad. My 'shitty decisions' are what keep you alive, are they not?"

"Yeah, but ya don't have to be a dick sometimes. We know you're the strongest of 'em all," her voice rises to a higher octave to mimic the way girls around here sound. Always talkin' about Captain Levi and how _amaaazing_ he is. Jeez, he's not _that_ great. He shits like everybody else and he has the mouth of a sailor. She has no idea where this mysterious, sexy, _proper_ version of her Levi came from, but it disgusts her and rubs her off in all the wrong ways. Reason number one) there is no doubt in her mind that these women are fantasizing about the same person who literally talks about shit during dinner. Reason number two) they never approach him because they're too intimidated by him but that doesn't stop them from starin' at him like he's the last piece of meat on Thanksgivin'. And reason number three) it's _so obvious_ that they wanna get down and dirty with the cleanest person in the Survey Corps. Seriously. Just stop while you're ahead, ladies.

"What the hell was that?" Levi asks her in a low, lazy tone. If you don't know him well enough, you'd think that he was bored/passive aggressive all the time. Doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself. But if you knew Levi like she did, you would've been able to detect the slight interest behind the demand.

"Nothin'," she says. She doesn't remember when his hands left her head, but while she was deep in thought his arms looped around her waist, limply hanging there. So she returns the gesture in favor and slips her arms through the cracks of his, letting them drape around his torso. She can feel his muscles through his shirt but doesn't comment on it, and instead absentmindedly begins tracing little circles lazily across the small of his back.

"Izzy."

"Fine. Have you noticed the way some of these girls have been lookin' at ya?"

"No."

 _Oooof course._ "Well, they do. And it's gross."

"I'm not surprised." There he goes. Studying her again. Do not crack under pressure, _do not_ \- "Why are you making it your business?"

"Because they like to do it when you're around me." She flashes him a sarcastic grin, lips pursed.

Cue the eyebrow raise. "And you notice that?"

"Kinda hard to ignore, to be honest."

"Huh."

"What?" When he doesn't answer right away, she pulls back and starts poking his chest with her pointer fingers. "What? Levi, _whaaat?"_

He catches her hand, both of them, encasing each one in his steel grasp. Isabel makes a squeaking noise but stares back into his eyes, waiting on him to say something.

Then, finally, he does.

"I should go."

"What? Wait, no!"

"You need to sleep."

"Sleep is for critters."

"Isabel."

"Levi."

"Stop."

 _"You_ stop."

"You're being a child."

"You're being ridiculous."

"Let me go."

 _"Nu."_

"Let me go, I swear to fucking - _mmf!"_

Levi is tackled down to the bed by the perky redhead, who's determined to win this fight. With reflexes and instincts that have been engraved into Isabel's soul by his doing, she's straddling him in one second, and pinning his arms down to the bed in the next.

"You're not goin' anywhere, mister," Isabel glares down at him, but from his perspective she looked like she was trying not to laugh.

He blinks. "Let me up, Isabel."

"Promise me you'll stay."

"No."

"Fuck you."

"You have two seconds to get off me before I throw you off."

"And if I don't?"

Pause.

 _"Eeek!"_

And just like that, their positions are reversed. This time it's _she_ with her arms pinned on either side of her head, this time it's _she_ who's being straddled by the glowering raven, this time it's _she_ who is under _his_ control, this time it's _she_ who...whoa there... _head's spinnin', head's spinnin'_...give her a sec…

Disoriented, Isabel blinks a few times before her gaze returns to focus. Levi is frowning at her, eyebrows scrunched, and up this close she can see the vein pulsing in the side of his head.

"Okay...that's not fair."

"You started the shit."

She smirks. "Look who's being a child now."

He breathes heavily through his nose, clearly irritated with her, and that's when it finally dawns her that Levi is still on top of her. He could have gotten off of her as soon as he flipped her on her back! But no. He's still there.

(Not like she's complaining. That's not the case at all.)

 _(...At all.)_

She quirks her head to the side, unphased by his irritableness. She knows it won't last anyway. He can never stay mad at her. Just like she can never stay mad at him. "If you weren't planning on stayin' then why did ya check up on me? Why'd ya get in here?"

"You ask too many questions."

"That's 'cause you never answer 'em." She pushes her arms up and is met with no progress. He has a steel grip on her now. It doesn't hurt.

(Again: _she's really not complaining.)_

They stare at each other for a long time in mutual silence, both trying to figure the other person out. Get inside their head. See what they're thinking. It's easy for Levi, because Isabel is an open book.

Levi is different. He's the frail bindings, the withered texture of a classic. Used over and over again before interest is lost. Left on a shelf for years until the next person picks it up and tries to open it, only to be greeted with dust. And the cycle repeats.

She doesn't know what coaxes her to do it, but as soon as his grip slackens on her right hand, she slowly lifts it up to his face. Touching his cheek with her soft, dainty fingertips.

"Please stay," she says, softly this time. She always sleeps better when he's near. He keeps the monsters away. The inner demons. The bad thoughts. The fear. The anxiety. Just for a little while.

A beat passes. Then two. Then three. And by the fourth, she lowers her hand in disappointment.

But slowly, Levi nods and slides off her, landing on his side. Isabel says nothing else, because nothing else _can_ be said, and she turns her back to him, chewing her bottom lip. She feels him come closer until he is pressed fully against her, and she reaches behind herself to seek out his hand. Once finding it, she pulls the limb over her torso, bringing them even closer - if that were _possible_ \- and intertwines their fingers over her belly.

Isabel is out within minutes, letting slumber take her in its warm embrace without the fear of nightmares looming over her head. The first time she nodded off tonight, she slept.

This time, she dreams. She dreams of dark hair and blue eyes, of unspoken, forbidden promises, and that ever rare smile that always sends her heart fluttering. In her dreams, she can pretend that she lives a normal life, she can pretend that envy doesn't twist her heart, she can pretend that she's with the man she loves because in her dreams, he reciprocates. In reality, he doesn't know. He must never know.

He can never know.

* * *

Something's different. He knows something's different.

But as he stares at her slumbering form, squinting his eyes at the back of her head as if that very place could solve all of his problems, he becomes attuned to the sound of her light snores, and it's enough. As fucked up as it is, it's _enough._

It's the sole reminder that she's safe. Alive.

 _Breathing._


End file.
